Things I Appreciate

 After One Year..

There have been a lot of changes since the baby was born. Our family's daily routines have turned upside down. We moved from one state to a different time zone state. I stopped working. My wife started working to put bread on the table for the family. Our conversation topics changed. Our focus shifted to the baby more. Furniture arrangement changed. 

Biggest change I experienced is my emotions. I started to appreciate the things that seemed unrelated to me for my entire life. I've never imagined walking into the baby's room in the morning would be such a happy moment. I put on the biggest smile on my face, even without any effort, with genuine joy. The joy comes from seeing our youngest family member. This has been going on for over a year now and I enjoy every morning that I get to do it. 

Scary Obstacle

Danger is everywhere and it can visit your family at any time it desires. I keep my eyes on the baby for the most of the day except when she goes to sleep. We leave her in the crib in her room. We thought it is one of the safest places on earth for her. 

Then it happens. She woke up after a nap. She rolls, sits, and stands. We didn't realize she tries to climb things too. She tried to climb the crib's rail. Fell. Fortunately, we had carpet and a cushy mat on the floor. She didn't get hurt. We ran in because she started to cry. I had to watch the baby cam's history. It was excruciating to even watch what happened. 

Another incident happened last night. Our baby has a lot of heat. She gets hot very quick. So, we installed a cooling mat in the crib on the mattress. We secured it fast to the mattress, so it wouldn't come off on any side. But it did. For whatever the reason, one corner's rubber band came up. Our baby's arm got through the loop and the cooling mat ended up wrapping her face. She immediately started crying, so we were able to rescue quickly. If it was in the middle of the night, oh man God forbid, I don't even want to think about it. 

I took every accessories off of the crib and got rid of them. I slept beside the crib all night. I had to wake up almost every hour to check if she was breathing okay. The morning came. I was awaken by our baby's voice. She was reaching her tiny hand out of the crib rail and trying to touch my face. What a relief to see her okay!

Emotions

I don't think I've ever cared for someone this much in my life. There are expectations for other people around my age to take care of themselves on their own. For my daughter, there could be none. She barely knows about this world yet. Now I feel like I understand those novels or movies about fatherly love. Until now, I thought I understood, but it was only an imagination.

Emotions play a big part in any relationships between two or more human beings. I like the fact that I can recognize these emotions and they come. I am also relieved that I can enjoy these emotions. I'm very happy that I can share these emotions with my own family, people closest to me. 

World Outside of Home

 It's Still There, The World Before Kids

I've been blessed enough to be a stay-at-home parent for our daughter. Along with relocating to a new city, I started to stay home to take care of my child and let my wife work. Fortunately, she's working remotely at home too. We are having a blast watching our child grow.

It's been over 6 months since I've dedicated my career to this role. There have been many ups and downs. Since our daughter started to crawl and stand, I didn't have much time. It got tough to even write blog posts anymore. More cleaning, getting dangers out of the way, and constantly keeping my eyes on her to stop things on the floor to go into her mouth. 

I barely had time for myself. Weekends were for the family time instead of "me time." My wife deserves breaks and rests since she works hard for 5 weekdays. I was aware of the fact that I lacked the "me time," but I thought I was okay.

One Day Out 

My friend texted and asked if I wanted to chill. "Oh, that's new," I said to myself and my wife. My wife suggested to take a break and go have fun. So, I did. I went out with my friend for one beer. Yes, just one. 

It was enough to make me realize how isolated I've been. Here are some things I realized.

My Spot in the Crowd

I used to love the crowd. During college, we always had a small party at my place every Friday night. No invitations were needed. It was always at least 6 - 8 people gathering. I was the one who "recruited" them always. I always had a spot in the crowd. I was the one who didn't let the conversation come to an end. 

 COVID-19 and moving to new places also prevented me from meeting people. Having a baby sealed the deal even tighter. I haven't been in a crowd for a while now. Hanging out with my old college friend reminded me of who I was before all my life happened.

Conversation Takes Practice

No matter how eloquent you were, if you don't practice speaking to an adult, you lose it.  Only other adult I got to talk to was my wife. About 80% of the topic is our child. The other 20% is about the people or things related to our child. 

I was all over the places trying to hold a proper conversation with my buddy. I jumped to conclusions before the premises were defined. I brought up about a million topics when he got through 3. 

Towards the end of the day, I was finally able to listen to what he said and ANSWER with proper vocabulary and grammar. 

Moon through the Moonroof is Amazing

One beer, couple of hours of talking, I was sober enough to drive. As I was driving back, I blasted music on the car stereo and opened the moonroof to enjoy the night breeze. I looked up to the cloudy moon light. Yes. I used to enjoy these little things. I felt like I was 16 again in the old Honda CR-V that became my first ride. 

It allowed for few minutes of reminiscing. All other things I used to enjoy are still out there. Will I enjoy them as much? I definitely am on the other angle of seeing things than then. But, there are many things I still enjoy the same. Having a child didn't make me a new person. It upgraded me in bits, not entirely. 

Conclusion

Staying home with a baby is a blessing. I get to witness all the firsts with my own eyes. There are indescribable feelings in bonding with our child. I sincerely enjoy it. If I had to try to enjoy, I wouldn't have been able to do it. 

There are things that I missed out on during this time. I don't regret missing out, but it just felt weird I forgot about some of those things.  Being caught up in anything, even taking care of your baby instead of you, is dangerous. If you lose track of who you are, you aren't really setting a good example for your child. 

Keep in mind, healthy you is the best parent for your child. Take a break. Have some me-time. 

Taking Care of Baby as a Job

Rewarding and Depressing

Full-time staying-at-home parent is a tough job. It's rewarding for the most part, but it comes with lots of depressing moments. 

As I've been a stay-at-home parent for the last couple of months, I'll share my experiences. I hope this helps you to figure out why you or your partner is going through such a hardship.   

Rewards

• Bonding Time: You get to spend a great amount of time bonding with your child. The bond created from early childhood sets up for the remaining times. Every time I put my daughter in my arms, I think what a sad life it would have been if I didn't get to do it every day. 
• Witnessing Milestones: Of course, the world has better cameras to record everything, but it's never the same to see it and feel it right there and then. I witnessed my child getting up holding the crib rail by herself. It was truly an amazing experience to see her take the first step forward. 
• Creating Memories: I doubt every now and then, "How much of this will she remember?" Many research say babies remember a lot more than what we'd imagine. I still have some childhood memories or memories of memories that made me happy even when I was in my teens.  I try to give my daughter new kinds of excitement every day hoping it'd create a good memory. 

Depressing Moments

• Isolation: My wife works at home remotely. Even with her around, she is focused on her job mainly, as she should be. A lot of times, I feel isolated and lonely because our baby is too young to engage in social activities. My only outlet is through social media, but I can't be looking at the smartphone around the baby. I go almost all day without having interactions with people. It gets lonely.
• Loss of Identity: I used to work. I used to work with a lot of people. I used to interact with hundreds of people on a daily basis. It was part of who I was. Staying home makes me feel like I've lost my identity and ability to do anything else. I kind of lose sight of my purpose, because it doesn't seem like I'm bearing any fruit. I know that in the long run, it's significant, but not having any constant feedback, I lose track of where I am in my life. 
• Loss of Control: Babies cry. They cry to communicate. Our daughter started to whine a lot more because she now has demands. It's hard to understand, though, what she wants. It makes you feel like you lose control. You don't have a clue what you need to do. 
• Getting Held Up: I used to plan an agenda every day. I might not write them down, but it always revolve around my head. Caring for a baby takes away a lot of time from doing things I thought I'd get done. The list of to-do's calling my brain's attention really stresses me out.

How to Navigate

Navigating the highs and lows of stay-at-home parenting with a baby under one year old requires resilience, support, and self-care. Resilience is difficult to practice and get better. Support from the family needs to be asked. It might not come naturally for all people. 

Self-care is where the most effort could shine the light. First and foremost is to realize that you, the stay-at-home parent, are struggling. Depression slips in unnotified. Set a time, in the morning, lunch, or before going to bed to check your status. See if you can think of anything to be thankful for or something happy. If not, you need to let your family know. Take a break. 

I take my daughter out for walks as much as the weather permits. It helps my daughter to develop, but it also gives me a chance to get some fresh air and clean out my system. Seeing the blue sky and floating clouds makes your day brighter, no matter how old you are. Try!

Remember, only happy parents can raise a happy child.

Harmful Toys for Your Children

 Why Flashing Toys Are Harmful

In the last blog post How to Pick the Best Toys for Your Child, I stated to avoid toys with too many LED flashing functions. In this blog post, let's explore further the reasons why they might be harmful to your children.

Flashing Toys

Flashing toys, with their bright lights and captivating sounds, may seem like a fun choice for engaging young children. However, research and child development experts caution against their use, especially for infants under 12 months old. Here's why flashing toys can be harmful:

1. Overstimulation: Flashing lights and loud noises from electronic toys can overwhelm a baby's developing sensory system. This overstimulation may lead to stress, agitation, and difficulty in focusing.
2. Interference with Development: Instead of fostering natural curiosity and exploration, flashing toys provide excessive stimulation that can interfere with a child's ability to engage in imaginative play and develop essential cognitive skills.
3. Limited Creativity: Flashing toys often dictate play patterns and offer limited opportunities for open-ended, creative play. This can hinder a child's imagination and problem-solving skills. 
4. Attention Span: Continuous exposure to flashy stimuli may contribute to shorter attention spans and decreased ability to focus on tasks, which are crucial skills for learning and development.
5. Language Development: Research suggests that electronic toys with flashing lights and sounds may not support language development as effectively as traditional toys and interactions with caregivers.

Given these concerns, it's best to opt for simpler, more traditional toys that encourage hands-on exploration, sensory development, and imaginative play. These also apply to Media exposure and Cell phone usage by babies. By providing babies with toys that align with their developmental needs, we can foster healthy growth and learning experiences.  Keep it as natural as possible!

Time Passes and It Passes Quick

Reflection on the Past 8 Months 

Every time I look at my daughter, I think 'Wow, she grew a lot.' 

It's not only me thinking. She actually is growing really fast. 

She already outgrew a lot of the clothes she got as a welcome-to-the-world gift. Her crib looks smaller. She keeps on meeting the end of the bed too soon when she crawls. 

My wife and I were worried we'd sprain our back leaning into the crib to put our baby. Now she stands holding the rail. It's already time for the second shift down on the mattress level. 

I've heard many others say that the early days will be missed. 

You will never know the last time you pick up your child. 

We are trying our best to capture all the significant moments on camera. Her first cry, first time trying baby food, first time standing up, and many more. 

It's only been 8 months at the most, but we already started to miss those days. Memories linger by our fingertips as we swipe over each month in the cell phone gallery. 

We know the best thing is the enjoy these moments and not dwell on the past. If good memories like these keep building on, I am sure the rest of the life will be meaningful.  

How to Deal with Emotions Raising a Baby

Emotions, the Greatest Ally and the Biggest Enemy

The biggest emotion I often get as a parent is 'worry.' 

"Is my child on the right developmental track? Am I on the right track? Is she safe? Hungry? Satisfied? What if she feels unloved???"

The desire to 'know it all' has turned into a fear and worry. To avoid having such insecurity, it has turned into greed. This greed makes me want to feed the child and put her to sleep. Get my hands free. The peace, while she sleeps, is the only comfort zone left without any emotions bothering me. 

Emotions: Natural Safety Measures

As you well know, the emotions have kept us safe and evolving throughout history. 

Fear, worry, rage, and anger keep us away from danger. Joy and sadness bring people closer. Amazement lets us continue exploring. 

It's like a natural safety measure. If you haven't seen the movie 'Inside Out,' it's a must-watch with your child (if you are in the stage of partial media allowance, of course). Emotions support our well-being. 

Your child must learn to control his or her emotions. It's going to set the tone for their lives and teach them survival skills. 

Teaching to Allying with Emotions

It's probably one of the most difficult tasks for parents. We feel like we don't even have a full grasp of our emotions. 

The good news is, you don't have to be in full control of your emotions. In fact, that's impossible. 

Your emotions are built not to be under control. You learn some social skills to hide your emotions at times, but if you let your emotions boil inside you for too long, they come and get you. 

We ally with emotions, not in control. We learn to let it out sometimes and hold it in the other times. But, we train ourselves to be honest with ourselves about emotions. 

Let it flow like water, but we build some bridges where needed. 

Some Bad Practices

We make the mistake of controlling our child's emotions for our convenience. We want our child to stop crying, like ever. We want our child to be calm, like always. We want them to be a happy baby if not an emotionless robot. 

We know so well about being sad, we go and clear out the sadness from their inventory of feelings. Having been an experienced anger-er, we go out and fight for our children. 

Of course, the parents must come to attention when the basic life-threatening danger is present. We want the best for our children. We don't want anyone stepping on their foot and not apologizing. 

But, they need to learn their feelings too. They need to figure out what to do when something is done to them wrongfully. 

What Should Parents Do?

The best thing for the parents to teach the children to control their emotions is: WAIT. 

We need to give them room and time. We wait for their small brain to do the magic: recognize, analyze, resolve, and take action. 

Then, we can give them feedback when they ask to or they are ready for it. We don't want to intervene too deep, even if you know what's going on in their head! 

It's tough seeing your little angel struggle. You bit of help can save thousand hours of stressing for your child. We know, we know. But let your child take a step. Trust your child. Give them a chance. 

It's easier said than done. But when you've done it right, you will see your baby grow! Happy waiting!

Being a Good Husband and Father

What Does It Take to Be a Good Father?

My father was a well-known, respected scientist/professor in his field of Laboratory Animals. He knew a lot of people. He was always busy with his work or colleagues. I spent many weekends merely watching him sleep. 

It generated fear of becoming a father. I wasn't confident that I'd become a good one. It was like walking into a jungle blindfolded. The only guidance on hand was my dad's example. 

Scrapping the Genetic Map

What you grew up with is hard to get rid of. It runs in your blood. It formed your identity. It's already a part of who you are. Even if you hated it, some of your father's gestures, comments, tones, or vocabulary are naturally inherited. 

Some things that you thought your dad was awesome for turn out it's nearly impossible to replicate. It just leaves you thinking "How in the world did he pull it off?"

Following his footsteps or trying to avoid his footsteps might not be the best solution to becoming a good father.

Stick to What You Are Good At

If you pulled off marriage, that'd probably mean you are recognized by your significant other to be a man worthy of living the rest of your life together. No matter what you did to show your love, you've earned the trust. 

You might not have been a popular lady's man, but for your wife, you've devoted your time and effort. It might not have been natural. You needed some life lessons from others, tips from Instagram, or learn from your own mistakes. 

However it came together, you've learned to love and show that you care for your significant other. That's the way! That's just it. 

A Good Father equals A Good Husband?

Of course, you won't be doing seductive things to your children. That is a big no-no. All you are going to focus on doing is showing your love to your wife! You are just going to continue to do what you've been doing. 

You will need to do the fatherly chores around the house, keep your children safe, and have the hard talks with your children at the appropriate times. Do it for your wife. 

I'm saying it aside from having a good relationship with your child. It's only from the perspective of being a good father and setting a good example as one. 

The chores around the house: if you don't, your wife, the only other adult around, will have to.

Keeping children safe: if you don't, your wife, the only other adult around, will have to.

Having the hard talks: if you don't, your wife, the only significant other adult around, will have to.

Since you love your wife, you want to do the things that are hard for either of you. You take up the cross and put it on your shoulder. 

Loving Relationship

Having parents who love each other so much is the greatest gift for the children. They learn from the example. You are the most visible example around. If you show them how to express love, love passionately, and do things for your lover,  your children have the best father. They will try to recreate what you do for the family in various ways.

Now you don't have to focus on two things, but one. Being a good husband is being a good father from some angles. 

Conclusion

Just because your father wasn't the most terrific movie-like figure, doesn't mean anything is holding you back from becoming one. You can have the warmest smile for your family even if your father never showed his teeth between his lips. 

You've got your own family now. You might not be an education-savvy parent who knows everything there is to know about raising a child. But you sure know how to love your wife. That's pretty much all you need to become a good dad. Setting the example of what a loving relationship is like. Let them know what they should expect from a person who claims to love them. You are teaching them all the life lessons ever needed by setting the standards with your life.

No.1 Parenting Rule of Raising a Google Engineer

Hands-Off Approach to Parenting

This news article is about an 18-year-old getting hired as a Google engineer before college. His father shares the parenting techniques from catching his son's interest, providing resources instead of roadmaps, and helping to set up to be lucky to become a healthy striver. Let's dive into his advice.

Article About Stanley Zhong

Story of Stanley Zhong

Stanley played competitive chess at age 4. He was good. Then he decided to retire at one point. Then he started to write codes when he was 10. His father, who is a Google Engineer himself, probably was a big influence in picking up such a hobby. 

He launched a startup called RabbitSign, which drew a Google recruiter's attention when he was 13. He was too young for any type of role then. Nearing his high school graduation, Stanley applied to 18 colleges but got rejected or waitlisted from 16 of them. He had an Amazon Web Service recruiter reaching out to him. Then he recalled the opportunity with Google. 

Stanley Zhong decided to work for Google for a year, and then attend the University of Texas after. 

Father's Parenting Technique

Stanley's father suggests the Hands-Off Approach to parenting. It doesn't mean to not care anything about them. It's opening opportunities to fly in and out.  Letting the child choose where his passion lies. 

Provide resources, not roadmaps

Let your child pick what they want to do. Provide help. Don't tell him what to do. Mr. Zhong quotes:

"In terms of how far he wants to go, how fast he wants to move on the path, or whether he wants to change his course and go to another path, that's completely up to him."

It's so easy to fall into the trap of directing our children under the name of guidance. The key word here is 'support.' The urge to tell him what to do comes from our arrogant thought "I know better than you." Kids live in a different world than what we have been through. What you know might not necessarily be true in their time.

Help to Set the Stage

Mr. Zhong calls it "setting your child up to be lucky." He defines luck as being able to catch the chance once it pops up. You have to be prepared at all times to grab the opportunity when it presents itself. 

One value we need to teach our kids is to start before the deadline is set. There is a portion of effort that gets boosted when the end goal is set, and there is another portion. We usually refer to it as the basics. If one has strong basics, be it health, communication, collaboration, etc., he is set to a great start. 

Only those who are already prepared will be able to see the opportunity and jump at them. 

Healthy Strivers

The article also quotes research from toxic parenting expert Jennifer Breheny Wallace. It points out that Healthy Strivers are more likely to succeed. These are people who know they matter as human beings, and what they do isn't going to determine their worthiness. 

Stanley's father raised his son to explore different things and did not judge the outcome of his decisions. This is an environment of healthy strivers to grow. They are not discouraged by the forced directions from their parents. They know they are trusted and supported. 

Parents Feeling Like a Failure

We are so used to parents telling their children what to do. That's how we were raised. We are accustomed to it without acknowledging it. "Helicopter Parenting" is the exact opposite of where we want to be. 

Lay down your urge and think deeply. Is what you are about to tell your child really for him or for yourself? Are you doing it to prevent yourself from failing as a parent? 

You know you are not coding like an engineer. You are a parent. Your child's future job is not YOUR output. It's what your CHILD has decided to become. So, put down the pressure. You are not giving up. Instead, you will be the guardian angel in the stealth mode. 

Parents need to be there for their children. Watch closely. See if they are struggling with bringing up their trouble to you. If they are hesitant to confess to you they want to give up piano, Taekwondo, water polo, art, or anything you spent too much on not to long ago. 

We want to build a relationship with our children, in which we can share those feelings and thoughts even if either one of you is sorry. 

Your child doesn't have to be a Google Engineer. Let them decide and let you know, so you can help!

Getting the Fun back in Your Parenting Life

Forgotten Secret to Life: Fun

However much your child is delightful, it is so easy for the parents to forget to have fun with life. I came across this TED talk video about fun. Catherine Price has amazed me with her explanation. I had to share it with you. Here are some of the key points and reflections I got from the video:

TED Talk: Why Having Fun is the Secret to a Healthier Life by Catherine Price

Fun-Missing Life

When you are with your baby, you have no time to spare. Your day is filled with chores, feedings, and diaper changes. You are so caught up and busy. You miss out on the poker night, golf tournament, and the newly released Counter Strike 2 with your crew. You start to lose connection with people. You start to worry about the finances, how to raise your child the right way, or getting extremely out of shape.

Try and look back. When was the last time you had fun? Think about the good ol' days when fun was around.

What is Fun?

In the TED talk, Catherine Price talks about the 3 consistent factors of "fun." They are playfulness, connection, and flow.

• Playfulness: It's not referring to something played. She defines it as a lightheartedness attitude, letting go of perfectionism, and being relaxed.
• Connection: Fun happens when you are connecting with someone in whatever way.
• Flow: It is the state of engagement. You get so into having fun that you lose track of time. You are in the zone. 

When these 3 factors occur all at once, we have fun. "It's a feeling, not an activity," she stresses. And when it happens, we feel good. 

What Can It Do For Us?

Having fun energizes, makes us present, unites us, and makes us healthier. 

Taking care of your child is draining. You just want to be on your phone scrolling mindlessly for hours. You feel like you are separated from the world. 

If you are having fun with your precious one, it energizes you. You enjoy it so much that you even want to record yourself to watch it over and over to get that energy. Having fun with your child is the greatest way to bond and build a strong relationship. It makes both the parent and child healthier. 

How Do We Have Fun?

The TED speaker suggests starting with eye contact. Ask "What's one thing that delighted you today?" Find opportunities to rebel and prioritize having fun. 

Of course, talking with your child is absolutely necessary. Don't stop there. Talk to your partner, family, and other friends too. Connect with them over the phone, meet, or go out. You need to keep in mind, it takes mental effort to have fun and not worry too much.

Conclusion

Having fun enriches your life. Our late teenage and early 20s years were all about having fun. The early days of marriage were about having fun. Why did we stop having fun? 

We don't need a luxurious trip to Europe, fancy dining, or the dream car to have fun. Yes, they will be fun. But they are not necessary. You can find fun in your daily life. You just have to search for it. 

Make a mental note. Take it lightheartedly. Add some playfulness. Especially when you are playing with your child. Have fun with them. They will learn from you to enjoy and have fun with their lives. Sometimes, you can learn from them too. 

Let's go get some fun!

Celebrating Holidays: Why bother?

Holiday Celebration 

Halloween is around the corner. Did you already pick out your and your child's costumes for this year? Maybe you are waiting for the delivery to arrive, still figuring out a theme (helpful link at the bottom), or even contemplating whether or not you want to go through all the trouble.

Here are 3 reasons why I strongly recommend you do something for occasions like Halloween.

1. Limited Opportunities

If you think about it for a second, you don't have that many chances to enjoy these occasions with your child. For Halloween, you have very limited chances to dress up with your child. Starting from the first year, the maximum chances you will get is about 18, if you are extremely lucky to have the cooperation. When they turn 18, either they leave to go to college, or they won't hang out with you too much. 

When they start to speak and pick out their own outfits, the chances of influencing their costume choice are very slim. The same goes for the other holidays. If it comes around only once a year, each year is very significant.

2. Lasting Memories 

Teams wear a uniform. Matching outfits give a sense of unity. Wearing the same theme costume gives your child the feeling of acceptance and belonging. Let your child experience it.

You might be thinking your child is too young to realize that he is even wearing anything. Studies have shown that young children might not remember the sequence of events or what exactly happened at a certain time, but their memories are filled with the emotions from an event. 

Your child might not remember what or why they dressed up as the Buzz Lightyear from Toy Story in the year 2023, but he will remember it was fun and had a lot of candies. He might not remember why people were cheering for him, but he will remember being proud in the arms of his dad dressed as Andy, the owner of the toys in Toy Story.

These memories, or emotions to be more precise, will last for a long time. These types of memories build your child. It brings them positivity in life.

3. It's Fun!

It's a chance to loosen up and be silly with your child. It's one of the few days when you can act silly around your child and still be a good parent. You demonstrate how to have fun. Your kids will learn to enjoy life as you do. 

Even if you didn't have the luxury to enjoy life when you were growing up, it doesn't necessarily mean your child should suffer the same. Those who know how to enjoy will win more. Teach your children how to have fun in safe ways; don't let them learn from a nobody at a house party during middle or high school. 

Conclusion

The holidays before becoming a parent were a chance to take a long trip somewhere far away, 10+ hours of a Netflix marathon, or maybe a sad and hungry few days when all restaurants and stores closed down. 

With your family, you can do more than just sitting at home with no purpose. You can prepare a little in advance and make remarkable memories. Even though you spend most of your days with each other, these special occasions really can take it up a notch. 

Not only Halloweens, but Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year's Day are all great opportunities. Don't just let it slip. Have fun with it!

If you are crunching in time to pick out your child's Halloween costume, check out this year's recommendations in this post: 

Halloween Costume Ideas

Happily Ever After: Is it a norm?

Misfortune, Miserable, Unhappy Makes a Good Story

Recently, I heard from two different sources about the same topic that caught my attention and kept me thinking: how people define and treat happiness. 

What used to be called Happiness

There has always been some sort of scarcity for people throughout history. Food, comfort, house, warmth, safety, equality, money, and many others. People always craved for happiness. Happiness that came from fulfilling the scarcity. 

Standards have evolved with time

What we have now isn't perfect. Still, the scarcity of those mentioned is less common for a lot of people, which is a good thing. But surely it had some side effects. It became harder and harder to please people. Eventually, what used to be a happy life has become a norm or even the lowest minimum standard of life. 

Stories That People Aren't Interested In

"Our daughter tried her first ice cream in her life!" 

This type of story doesn't resonate with a lot of people anymore. Family having a good time isn't considered sharing happiness. It's bragging to some people; some think of it very insignificant event that happens all the time. 

It's so basic, too normal, not so special.

Stories That Engage People 

Negative stories stand out. They stick with people more. Parents are sick and tired of taking care of baby, not being able to travel as freely, and how tired they are because their babies kept them up all night.

To the singles, the negativity passes on. It scares them to get married and have kids. The stories develop to divorces not being optional but an absolute necessity. They need to hold even higher standards to select their life-long partner. Actually, they have a lot more fun things to fill in the place of family nowadays. 

Perspective Shift 

My scarcity growing up was family. Beginning my junior year of high school with divorcing parents got me scared of and wanting to have my own family at the same time. When I got married, I was really glad I made that choice (and she accepted). The happiness from getting into a covenant relationship was unimaginable. The negative stories do exist, but they were a mere small portion of it!

Having a child is on another level. Everything, every moment, every second is so special. Same with marriage, there are hardships, but it's just a small bit of this amazing experience. I don't even remember why I was so scared in the first place. 

Conclusion

We have become so overly saturated with the "standards of a happy life." Traveling, Omakase, Gucci bags, Tesla, buying a big house, etc. It's either you imitate and brag, or you are jealous. You want to bring them down somehow by talking all the negative stuff about those who look happy. And you comfort yourself saying you have high standards. 

Maybe your scarcity is in self-awareness. With a loving family, walking to the nearest park holding hands can be the most memorable trip, or your wife's cooking tastes better than the one by Nobu's sushi chef. It's really a cliche, but happiness isn't far. It's as close as your child's first ice cream experience.

Planning a Move with A Baby

Interstate Moving for A Better Environment

We've given some thought to it when it was just us, a couple. Moving interstate isn't easy. It's a big project to manage and has a lot of variables to consider: long-distance moving company vs. U haul truck, vehicle shipping company, flights, what and how to pack, what to do with the appliances, furniture, finding a new job, a new place to live, a good neighborhood, a new social circle, and the list goes on and on. 

Now that we have a baby, the list has gotten much longer with more stuff to pack, the neighborhood needs to be child-friendly, and the new place needs to be a bit bigger, on and on. 

Still, we decided to take a leap of faith to find a better home for our family. It's not the most ideal time of the year, or even a decade, to move. Here are 3 reasons why we think moving to Georgia is better than living in California.

Cement vs. Greens

California is a crowded place. It has a lot of nature to offer, but they are usually about an hour out from where people live. There are some parks around the neighborhood, but you see more man-made structures everywhere. The city is packed with houses for thousands of people, roads are overflowing with cars, and there are a bunch of buildings to house all the people and their cars. 

I wanted my child to grow up with more green stuff around. Play on grass, breathe fresh air from the forest, take weekend trips to the mountains and camping. Open space lets minds be more creative. 

Rising Crime Rate

There is always crime where people are. In recent news, the crime rate in California has skyrocketed and fewer preventative measures are in place.  According to FBI Crime Data Explorer (FBI CDE), Georgia (367) had less than the national average (380.7) in Violent Crime while California (499.5) had a lot higher rate in 2022.  

I don't want to get into all the politics, but it is scary to see so many violent crimes on the local news. In reality, I do see a lot of people on the streets that seem to have drug problems. I don't feel safe raising a child in this environment.

Housing Market Situation

We've lived in the State of California for about 3 years. The housing prices have been increasing forever. It seems so out of reach to find a good house in a good neighborhood near a good school. A simple Google search returns the median house price of $843,340 in California during September 2023. The same search for Georgia returns about $358,000.

I know the "average price" is undermining the outliers and makes it difficult to see the entire picture. But, in general, the housing price in California is one of the highest in the U.S. I want to be where "affordable" houses are.

Conclusion

California is a great place to live and it has a lot to offer. It's just not for us at this time. We aren't 100% sure Georgia is going to be THE ANSWER to life. We are giving it a try. A "Try" that is so grand that we are willing to go through a massive project. I hope we enjoy it, fingers crossed!

How Things Change When Your Baby Gets Home

Delta vs. Constant with a Newborn

*Delta means "Change" in math

A lot has changed since our baby was born. Our daily routines, weekend schedules, and to-do lists for short and long-term plans. But, we are still who we were. We still enjoy the after-dinner Netflix hours, daily catch-up during dinner, and the weekend cleaning. New parents go through a lot of emotional changes. We figured that keeping some constant events would help us to maintain who we are. The first month or so, deeply into caring for the baby, we might have lost focus on each other a few times. It's very important for the parents to not lose the relationship over the baby-duties. In this blog post, we will explore the changes when the baby comes home and the things to maintain for your family's relationship.

Daily Routine

Before the baby, I went to work every morning from Monday to Friday. Returned home whenever the work was finished. My wife was doing her master's program, finished her last semester right before the baby was born. We didn't get to travel as much as we wanted to, but we took short trips around on the weekends quite often. During the weekdays, after work was mostly having dinner and watching Netflix for couple of hours, then go to bed before 12. 

Constant: About 40 days old girl started to get into the sleep routine from 7 PM to 11PM, one feeding and falls asleep, then wakes up at 7 AM. We got to keep our dinner, Netflix, and the quality married couple time. 

Delta: Every hour is planned. Planned for the baby's essential needs: diaper, feeding, and sleeping. 

Noise Level

We really enjoyed a lot of movies. We bought a LG large screen TV and a Vizio sound bar to get into them. All has changed. In about 30 days after birth, our baby started to hear things and hear them very well. Noises would wake her up and startle her. We had to keep things quiet. 

Constant: We still watch movies on the big screen.

Delta: The sound bar is kept at the lowest noise level most of the time. We started to using the Apple Air Pods and the Galaxy Buds a lot more.

Weekends

The weekends were our stress outlets. Going into nature, looking at new and expensive things, or finding a local hot spot for exotic foods. For the first month or so, we barely went out except to get groceries. Our baby was sleeping most of the times; we were exhausted with the sleepless nights. Once the baby got used to sleeping in the car seat and enjoyed looking at things through the sun screen of the stroller, we took as much chances as possible to go out and see the world. 

Constant: We still go out and relieve our stress.

Delta: Our selection of destinations became very exclusive. The place needs a clean bathroom, diaper changing station, not too much crowd, able to return home within a hour or less, etc. No out-of-blue trips. 

Conversation

Before the pregnancy, we heard from the married couples with kids that a couple tends to lose conversations when a baby is born. And it is very unhealthy for the family if the mother and father doesn't share their feelings and events unseen. 

We didn't think much of it, but we caught ourselves only talking about the baby. We didn't share anything about each other. We had to bring back our common interests and fire up the conversations.

Constant: If we don't express it, we won't know it. The need hasn't changed. We still wanted to encourage and build each other up. 

Delta: There are actually a lot of things that needed to be talked about the baby. We got caught up with the needs and forgot about wants. Our focus shifted from each other to the baby. 

Conclusion

Our roles changed from a husband and wife to a father and mother. Our sense of responsibility went to a whole new realm. We were so busy perfecting our new roles, we neglected some duties of the older but still current roles. People have a desire to have the perfect family deep inside. We can't let go of the role as a loving husband and wife, even when new role that seem to be so important came upon us.  We got used to the new routines and preparations. Though we might miss the spontaneous trips later, we surprisingly enjoy having to plan ahead and shortening our stress relieving trips. The joy of being a family of 3 is far greater than just a couple.  

Living With Kittens vs. Baby

Taking Care of Kittens vs. Baby

My wife and I didn't have a fine blueprint for our family when we got married. Then we decided to adopt a Russian Blue kitten because she was too adorable.

We got along pretty well. She is an intelligent cat. One that is so adorable. 

A few years passed by, my wife and I started to get busy with life. Our little furry friend looked lonely. So, we decided to adopt another kitten, a friendly, hyper-active cheese tabby.

We thought they were a big responsibility. We couldn't go on a vacation for extended periods of time, we had to break them apart when they got into a catfight (literally) and visit a vet's office.

Now came the baby. It's a whole different story. Two cats were easy. They didn't even need potty training! 

In this post, we will explore some differences between raising a kitten and a baby.

1. Independence vs. Dependency

• Cat: Cats are generally independent animals. They groom themselves, use a litter box, and don't require constant attention or supervision. In fact, a lot of cats dislike it when human keeps tailing them around. 
• Baby: Babies are entirely dependent on their caregivers for all their needs, including feeding, diaper changes, and emotional support. They demand round-the-clock care and attention.

2. Communication

• Cat: Even though our cats respond when we call their names, English isn't their strong suit. They communicate non-verbally through body language and vocalizations. We need to observe carefully to understand their needs.
• Baby: Babies communicate through crying, facial expressions, and eventually, words. It is much easier to understand their non-verbal cues than the cat's. 

3. Development Stages

• Cat: Cats go through distinct life stages, from kittenhood to adulthood. They were cute little kittens for about 2 months and then boom, all grown cats.
• Baby: Babies go through complex developmental stages, including physical, cognitive, and emotional growth. Milestones encompass motor skills, language acquisition, and emotional bonding.  

4. Healthcare

• Cat: Cats require routine veterinary care, vaccinations, and preventive measures like flea control. Health concerns are typically more straightforward.
• Baby: Babies need regular medical check-ups, vaccinations, and monitoring of developmental milestones. Caregivers must be vigilant about various health aspects.

5. Social and Emotional Bonds

• Cat: Cats can form strong bonds with their owners, offering companionship and comfort. However, these bonds are different from human relationships.
• Baby: Parenting involves deeply emotional and complex bonds with your child, shaping their emotional well-being and future.

Conclusion

Raising a cat or baby is both very rewarding experience with ample share of challenges. Across the species, between the living beings, we can build life-long relationships. I still think back to the moments when the 2 cats and our baby all first came into my arms and falling asleep safe and sound. It was a feeling like "I have no one else in this world but you to depend my life." The soul to soul connection is an unforgettable moment. Kittens and human babies have a lot of differences, but after all, they are all really cute.

Celebrating National Daughters Day 2023

National Daughters Day: Honoring the Bond with Your Precious Girl

September 25, 2023, is the National Daughters Day. It is a heartwarming occasion that provides a beautiful opportunity for fathers to celebrate the special bond they share with their daughters. It originated in India, where it used to be more male-dominant, to remind people of the equal values that daughters have to their sons. In 2023, let's make this day even more memorable by taking the time to cherish and appreciate the wonderful daughters in our lives. In this blog post, we'll explore the significance of National Daughters Day and share some heartfelt ways to celebrate this precious day with your little girl.

The Significance of National Daughters Day:

National Daughters Day, celebrated on different dates worldwide, is all about honoring and expressing love and gratitude for your daughters. It's a day to reflect on the unique and unbreakable bond between fathers and daughters. Daughters bring immense joy, laughter, and love to their families, and this day is an opportunity to celebrate their presence in our lives.

How to Celebrate National Daughters Day 2023

1. Quality Time Together: On this special day, set aside some quality one-on-one time with your daughter. Engage in her favorite activities, whether it's reading, playing, drawing, or simply having a heartfelt conversation. Make her feel truly valued and cherished.

2. Create a Memory Book: Craft a memory book or scrapbook together that captures your favorite moments and adventures. It's a creative way to bond and create lasting memories.

3. Write a Letter: Pen a heartfelt letter to your daughter, expressing your love, pride, and appreciation for her. Highlight her unique qualities and the joy she brings to your life.

4. Cook or Bake Together: Spend time in the kitchen preparing a special meal or baking delicious treats. It's a fun and interactive way to bond, and you get to enjoy the tasty results together.

5. Outdoor Adventure: Plan an outdoor adventure, whether it's a hike, a bike ride, a picnic, or a visit to a local park. Fresh air and outdoor activities can make the day even more special.

6. Family Movie Night: Have a family movie night with your daughter's favorite films or shows. Don't forget the popcorn and cozy blankets.

 

7. Gift of Gratitude: Consider surprising your daughter with a thoughtful gift that symbolizes your love and appreciation. It could be a piece of jewelry, a book, or something that holds sentimental value.

8. Express Your Love: Throughout the day, remind your daughter of how much she means to you. Shower her with love, hugs, and affectionate words.

9. Share Stories: Share stories of your own childhood or family history with your daughter. It's a wonderful way to connect generations and strengthen the family bond.

10. Plant a Memory: Plant a tree or flower together in your garden or a nearby park as a living symbol of your love and the growth of your relationship.

Conclusion

National Daughters Day 2023 is an opportunity to celebrate the love, joy, and precious moments shared between fathers and daughters. It's a day to make lasting memories and express your heartfelt appreciation for the incredible young lady in your life. Cherish this special day, and may your bond with your bond with your daughter continue to grow stronger with each passing moment. Happy National Daughters Day!

If you'd like to find out more about this day, click on the link below:

National Daughters Day