It's Still There, The World Before Kids
I've been blessed enough to be a stay-at-home parent for our daughter.
Along with relocating to a new city, I started to stay home to take care of
my child and let my wife work. Fortunately, she's working remotely at home
too. We are having a blast watching our child grow.
It's been over 6 months since I've dedicated my career to this role.
There have been many ups and downs. Since our daughter started to crawl
and stand, I didn't have much time. It got tough to even write blog posts
anymore. More cleaning, getting dangers out of the way, and constantly
keeping my eyes on her to stop things on the floor to go into her
mouth.
I barely had time for myself. Weekends were for the family time instead of
"me time." My wife deserves breaks and rests since she works hard for 5
weekdays. I was aware of the fact that I lacked the "me time," but I thought
I was okay.
One Day Out
My friend texted and asked if I wanted to chill. "Oh, that's new," I said
to myself and my wife. My wife suggested to take a break and go have fun.
So, I did. I went out with my friend for one beer. Yes, just
one.
It was enough to make me realize how isolated I've been. Here are some
things I realized.
My Spot in the Crowd
I used to love the crowd. During college, we always had a small party at my
place every Friday night. No invitations were needed. It was always at least
6 - 8 people gathering. I was the one who "recruited" them always. I always
had a spot in the crowd. I was the one who didn't let the conversation come
to an end.
COVID-19 and moving to new places also prevented me from meeting
people. Having a baby sealed the deal even tighter. I haven't been in a
crowd for a while now. Hanging out with my old college friend reminded me of
who I was before all my life happened.
Conversation Takes Practice
No matter how eloquent you were, if you don't practice speaking to an
adult, you lose it. Only other adult I got to talk to was my
wife. About 80% of the topic is our child. The other 20% is about the people
or things related to our child.
I was all over the places trying to hold a proper conversation with my
buddy. I jumped to conclusions before the premises were defined. I brought
up about a million topics when he got through 3.
Towards the end of the day, I was finally able to listen to what he said
and ANSWER with proper vocabulary and grammar.
Moon through the Moonroof is Amazing
One beer, couple of hours of talking, I was sober enough to drive. As I was
driving back, I blasted music on the car stereo and opened the moonroof to
enjoy the night breeze. I looked up to the cloudy moon light. Yes. I used to
enjoy these little things. I felt like I was 16 again in the old Honda CR-V
that became my first ride.
It allowed for few minutes of reminiscing. All other things I used to enjoy
are still out there. Will I enjoy them as much? I definitely am on the other
angle of seeing things than then. But, there are many things I still enjoy
the same. Having a child didn't make me a new person. It upgraded me in
bits, not entirely.
Conclusion
Staying home with a baby is a blessing. I get to witness all the firsts
with my own eyes. There are indescribable feelings in bonding with our
child. I sincerely enjoy it. If I had to try to enjoy, I wouldn't have been
able to do it.
There are things that I missed out on during this time. I don't regret
missing out, but it just felt weird I forgot about some of those
things. Being caught up in anything, even taking care of your baby
instead of you, is dangerous. If you lose track of who you are, you aren't
really setting a good example for your child.
Keep in mind, healthy you is the best parent for your child. Take a break.
Have some me-time.