Being a Good Husband and Father

What Does It Take to Be a Good Father?

My father was a well-known, respected scientist/professor in his field of Laboratory Animals. He knew a lot of people. He was always busy with his work or colleagues. I spent many weekends merely watching him sleep. 

It generated fear of becoming a father. I wasn't confident that I'd become a good one. It was like walking into a jungle blindfolded. The only guidance on hand was my dad's example. 

Scrapping the Genetic Map

What you grew up with is hard to get rid of. It runs in your blood. It formed your identity. It's already a part of who you are. Even if you hated it, some of your father's gestures, comments, tones, or vocabulary are naturally inherited. 

Some things that you thought your dad was awesome for turn out it's nearly impossible to replicate. It just leaves you thinking "How in the world did he pull it off?"

Following his footsteps or trying to avoid his footsteps might not be the best solution to becoming a good father.

Stick to What You Are Good At

If you pulled off marriage, that'd probably mean you are recognized by your significant other to be a man worthy of living the rest of your life together. No matter what you did to show your love, you've earned the trust. 

You might not have been a popular lady's man, but for your wife, you've devoted your time and effort. It might not have been natural. You needed some life lessons from others, tips from Instagram, or learn from your own mistakes. 

However it came together, you've learned to love and show that you care for your significant other. That's the way! That's just it. 

A Good Father equals A Good Husband?

Of course, you won't be doing seductive things to your children. That is a big no-no. All you are going to focus on doing is showing your love to your wife! You are just going to continue to do what you've been doing. 

You will need to do the fatherly chores around the house, keep your children safe, and have the hard talks with your children at the appropriate times. Do it for your wife. 

I'm saying it aside from having a good relationship with your child. It's only from the perspective of being a good father and setting a good example as one. 

The chores around the house: if you don't, your wife, the only other adult around, will have to.

Keeping children safe: if you don't, your wife, the only other adult around, will have to.

Having the hard talks: if you don't, your wife, the only significant other adult around, will have to.

Since you love your wife, you want to do the things that are hard for either of you. You take up the cross and put it on your shoulder. 

Loving Relationship

Having parents who love each other so much is the greatest gift for the children. They learn from the example. You are the most visible example around. If you show them how to express love, love passionately, and do things for your lover,  your children have the best father. They will try to recreate what you do for the family in various ways.

Now you don't have to focus on two things, but one. Being a good husband is being a good father from some angles. 

Conclusion

Just because your father wasn't the most terrific movie-like figure, doesn't mean anything is holding you back from becoming one. You can have the warmest smile for your family even if your father never showed his teeth between his lips. 

You've got your own family now. You might not be an education-savvy parent who knows everything there is to know about raising a child. But you sure know how to love your wife. That's pretty much all you need to become a good dad. Setting the example of what a loving relationship is like. Let them know what they should expect from a person who claims to love them. You are teaching them all the life lessons ever needed by setting the standards with your life.

Harvard Study: How Play Affects Learning

Can You Play To Learn?

They say Play is one of the most effective ways to learn. Is it? Why?

We often separate play and learn. But can they happen at the same?

There is an article from the Harvard Graduate School of Education: "Why Do Children Play?"

This thesis explores the differences between playing for fun and playing to win and how play affects learning. Let's find out why play is an absolute necessity in learning.

Background 

A study was conducted by the Harvard Graduate School of Education and the University of California, Berkeley. They set up two outdoor games with children from 5 to 10 years old. The participants had choices to make the game easier or harder. The topic was: will they enjoy more when playing to win or playing for fun?

Experimental Setup

The experimental setup was simple:

1. Have the children play the same game but in two different ways.
2. Have them play to win → give them rewards for winning.
3. Have them play for fun → no rewards given.
4. Give them the available options: 

        - Difficulty levels

        - Silly costumes that did not affect the chances of winning

Results

• Kids playing to win chose an easier level. 
• Kids playing for fun chose a harder level. 
• Even when competing, some kids still wanted to have fun too.
• Kids preferences: 43% play for fun & 57% play to win.

Key Findings

Even a 5-year-old can detect that the difficulty modes affect the outcome of the game.

Kids were mostly driven by extrinsic motivation (rewards) when playing to win.

Kids were mostly driven by intrinsic motivation (feeling of accomplishment) when playing for fun.

Reflection

It's easy to understand that a reward for winning is motivating.

Kids chose harder levels when playing for fun. This is significant. The mystery of intrinsic motivation is revealed here. 

The harder levels require considering more factors and figuring out more complicated solutions. Curiosity is what makes kids want to take on the challenge. When there is curiosity, our brains ask for answers. This becomes an internal drive to resolve.

The curiosity is only resolved by learning. Learning to coordinate the factors and finding the perfect combination that works.

Learning is rewarding!!

Conclusion

Whether playing to win or for fun, play motivates kids. The motivation comes from both external and internal rewards. So, the answer to why children play is both for fun and to win. 

Play and learning are thought to be separate. In fact, play is a great starting point for learning. It's a powerful motivator. 

If kids realize learning is rewarding and enjoyable through playing, they will keep wanting to learn more and more. And that's why play is an absolute necessity when it comes to learning.

Play to Learn, But How?

Best, Easy Baby Developmental Activities

You are old enough to be a parent. It probably means you don't remember how you played as an infant. 

You hear this a lot: "Babies learn through plays. Parents need to play with them."  

So, the pressure is on you. You want your child to develop all the motor skills, thinking skills, etc. You don't want your child to fall behind. You want him to develop faster than all the other kids! 

But how? 

It's been so long. You don't remember how or what you played as a kid. You are not sure what to do and how to do it correctly. 

In this blog post, I will share some quick tips and the mindset you need to maintain when playing with your child.

How You Should Approach

First of all, don't pressure yourself. 

Your child will develop his life skills as he grows up. You can't possibly bag all the skills and hand it to him. It takes time. There are skills he or she will not need for a long time. 

Your plays will not affect your child's developmental speed. Your plays will not make a genius out of your child. It's more important that your child learns to enjoy. Because the true power of play comes from enjoying. Enjoying leads to interest. Interest leads to knowledge. Knowledge leads to skills.

So, you are opening up the gateways for your child's development. You are not developing your child. It's up to your child to develop. Loosen up. The key is to enjoy the activities with your child. You are not a teacher or supervisor. You are just a member of the party. 

Known Facts about RELATIVE Developmental Stages

Looking at the Developmental stages or milestones, parents freak out about their child falling behind. Relax. These are relative timings. All children develop at a different pace. It could be a good indication of problems or issues, but time can resolve a lot of them. 

For example, my child didn't smile much at 2 months period. I was getting a little nervous, but my worries were blown away by 3rd month. She gives me the brightest smile every morning to wake me up.  

Early Developmental Stages organized by CDC

We will dive into the earlier periods first.

Two Months

During the first two months, it's hard to expect a response. Because the baby is barely starting to see things. Their visions are still blurry and they are still figuring out the surroundings. The ears open up at least a month old. 

Play tips

• Once your baby begins to keep his eyes open more, play with high-contrast images (black and white). Hold the image close to his eyes, then move it slowly to follow. This helps with seeing and also building the neck muscles to move his head. 

      Ex) High Contrast Books

• Even if he doesn't respond, start to call his name, sing a song, and talk to him. This helps your child to recognize your voice. 

• Start the tummy time little by little. Put him on your belly. Be careful not to block the airway. Let him hold his head up.

Third to Sixth Month

A lot will change during this time. Your child will see a lot better. Smile more. Starts to move around a lot. Flip from back to tummy. Re-flip from tummy to back. Use his hands to grab things. Anything can become a toy at this point. My daughter loves to play with a towel.

Play Tips

• You can upgrade the high-contrast book from black and white to other colors. Give some changes to proximity. Bring the images close and far, side to side, and up and down. 

• Around-we-grow: Toys like these promote bodily movement. The parts will give a direct response. Pushing a button lights up the key and makes a noise. This teaches a cause-and-effect of the child's action. 

• Sensory Toys: It doesn't have to be these toys. You can find things around the house to replace these. As long as your child can safely play with his hands. Touching, stacking, throwing, etc. 

• Anything he grabs will go into his mouth. That's just how babies measure things. Whether it fits in their mouth or not. So make sure anything he touches is clean. 

• Since grabbing is going to be his biggest interest, place things around him to grab. He will try to move towards it by flipping, crawling, or rolling. This will help with his motor skills.

• Play around a mirror. Babies love to see reflections. Our daughter always tries to grab her reflection's hand. She enjoys the flat, cold feeling of the mirror for some reason.

• You can lift up your baby. Some babies love it. Just be very careful not to shake his head. His brain is still somewhat floating in the skull and moving too much will damage it. Your child's neck muscles have a long way to be strong enough. 

Conclusion

Playing opens up ways to experience new things. Getting involved in it makes it more enjoyable for your child. You are one of the very few people your baby is exposed to. You are still his whole world. To have fun with his whole world! It's the greatest thing that can happen to your infant. 

Use your creativity. Stick to the basics. You don't need to give him an expensive all-natural, organic, super-powered magical toy.  Anything you do with him is a fresh memory and a great learning experience. Expose him to a lot of things! Have fun!

Cognitive Constructivism: What You Need to Know

Cognitive Constructivism

Continuing from the last post (Behaviorism), we will explore another popular learning theory: Cognitive Constructivism. As a reminder, there are many different learning theories, and not all of them are 100% bound to boost your child's learning. Different approaches might work better in different situations. It's not one-size-fits-all. As a parent, you need to explore a couple or multiple theories and apply what seems to work the best. 

Cognitive Constructivism bases learning on experience. A lot of toy companies, like Lego, apply this theory in making their learning aids. Let's find out why this might be the best form of teaching STEM. 

What is the Cognitive Constructivism?

Cognitive Constructivism suggests that we acquire knowledge by discovering information through doing things. The knowledge is learned when the experience is linked to the pre-existing knowledge. If we make this connection stronger by repeating the experience, we hold on the the knowledge better and longer. 

It's like a learning dots connected by lines to map out the net of knowledge. 

 

Basics of Cognitive Constructivism

• Schema: The learning dots are called schema in educational psychology. Just a word that sounds cool.
• Assimilation: Making connections to the prior knowledge. This is how most learning occurs in this approach.

What does Cognitive Constructivism look like?

When you teach someone how to throw a football, you show how to hold the ball and say "Throw it just like how you throw a baseball." He or she will try a couple times, get the feel for it, and a few more practices will enable throwing a football.

This is what the cognitive constructivism approach looks like. With a bit of demonstration (guide) and connection to their prior knowledge (throwing a baseball), they understand the basic mechanics of the new concept. 

Pedagogy

5E Lesson Plans

One of the main lesson plan types I was taught in college was the 5E lesson plan for becoming a 6 - 12 math teacher. 

• Engage
• Explore
• Explain
• Evaluate
• Extend

I was taught that this is the most effective way of teaching math and science to middle and high schoolers. This is widely adopted for schools using the Common Core Standards.

Activate prior knowledge. Throw them a question. Let them explore through hands-on activities. Provide minimum to no guidance as they "discover" the answer. Fill in the gaps. Check for understanding. Extend to further concepts. 

Lego Education

The Danish company, probably the most renowned toy company all over the globe, has built a great curriculum under their catchphrase "Learn by Play." Their philosophy lies within this learning theory. You can check out their lesson plans in 5E lesson format on their website:  Lego Education

They believe children can play and gain crucial experience with their products. It lays the basis for coding and STEAM education. If a child succeeds in building one model, they can extend to building other models too. 

Conclusion

Even at an early age, babies and toddlers assimilate their learning to what they already know. They might not have as many schemas as adults or the brides might not be as strong yet. As parents, if you guide your child to experiment with things and repeat them many times, you can help your little one to learn a lot. 

The goal of this approach is to teach them how to assimilate. If they can quickly find a connection to what they already know, they can learn anything at any time more effectively. Let THEM learn by discovering!

If you want to learn more about other learning theories, click on this link: Learning Theories

If you want to learn more about Behaviorism, click on this link: Behaviorism

Behaviorism: What You Need Know

Easy, Good to Know Information About Behaviorism for Your Child's Development

Congratulations, new dads! Parenthood is an incredible journey filled with joy, challenges, and countless opportunities to learn. One essential aspect of understanding your child's development is grasping the basic concepts of a few learning theories. In this blog post, we'll break down behaviorism theory in a simple engaging way, tailored specifically for dads like you.

What is Behaviorism?

The most popular example is Pavlov's dog theory. The one with conditioning a dog to salivate when they hear a bell ring. No, we are not trying to make our kids salivate when they hear a bell. We can utilize some of its principles in training our kids, like bedtime routine.

Behaviorism is the theory that focuses on observable behaviors rather than thoughts or emotions. It suggests that behaviors are learned through interactions with the environment and can be modified through rewards and punishments.

The Basics of Behaviorism

1. Classical Conditioning

Think Pavlov's dog. Discover how simple associations can influence your child's behavior. Make a connection between an incident and an action.

2. Operant Conditioning

Learn how consequences shape your child's actions and decisions. It's like teaching them the ropes of life! You can condition certain behaviors by giving rewards or punishment.

3. Behavior Modification

Explore practical strategies to encourage positive behaviors and address challenging ones. Using both conditionings, you can guide your child's development to the desired spot.

Why Behaviorism Matters for Dads

1. Building Strong Bonds

Discover how understanding behaviorism can help you connect with your child on a deeper level.

2. Effective Parenting Techniques

Learn how behaviorism principles can guide you in making parenting decisions that work.

3. Problem Solving Skills

Equip yourself with the tools to address common parenting challenges effectively.

Applying Behaviorism at Home

1. Positive Reinforcement

Praise and rewards can motivate your child to behave well. Focus your words on your child rather than the result. 

Ex) You got a 100 on your math test! Good Job! (x)

       You are such a hard worker! (o) 

2. Setting Clear Expectations

Learn the importance of communication and consistency in shaping behavior. Don't send mixed messages; it will confuse your child. Especially if you are trying to correct a behavior. If Mom says no, but if Dad says okay, it will confuse the child.

3. Time-Outs and Consequences

Explore when and how to use consequences as a teaching tool. Make sure not to combine multiple undesirable behaviors into one punishment. Soon the the consequence follows an undesired action, a better connection will be made.

Conclusion

As you embark on your parenting journey, understanding behaviorism can be a valuable asset. By focusing on observable behaviors and applying the principles of behaviorism, you can foster a loving, nurturing, and positive environment for your child to thrive.

Remember, every child is unique, and parenting is a learning experience for all. Embrace the journey, adapt to your child's needs, and use behaviorism as a helpful tool in your parenting toolbox.

If you want to find out more about Behaviorism, click on the link below:

Behaviorism

For comparison to other learning theories:

Learning Theories

Learning Theories to Guide Your Child's Development

Understanding Learning Theories: Behaviorism, Cognitive Constructivism, Social Constructivism

If I am going to teach my child, I want to do it right. Learning about teaching in college, I thought the knowledge would not only feed me, but it would be useful for my child. I drifted back and forth between a career in education and industry business. Some of this useful knowledge became hazy in my memory, but I think this blog is a great way to recall and share with those dads in need.

Theory

noun. A set of principles on which the practice of an activity is based.  

It might be an intimidating word but fear not. As a parent, you don't have to deep dive into the world of educational psychology or educational science. All you want to know is how to help your child learn better starting at an early age. In this blog post, we will take a look at the fundamentals of three learning theories and how this might help your child: Behaviorism, Cognitive Constructivism, and Social Constructivism.

Why It Matters

It had never occurred to me that I felt a need to name a phenomenon that seemed to happen naturally. Learning was one of those. We call it "discovery", "mistake", "achievement", or many other names. These "theories" are just a collection of repeated incidents of learning that seem to have a pattern. But they're based on trustworthy data accumulated over many years. These are not THE TRUTH. Each theory takes a perspective in learning. So, you can agree with some parts of one theory but not the others. It depends on our own experiences, cultural background, education we were exposed to, etc. So, just know where they are coming from and how we can effectively use them to better our children's development. 

Words You Need to Know 

Knowledge: What your child learns. It could be a fact, letter, word, action, pattern, color, etc. 

Learning: Process of gaining and sustaining knowledge.

Motivation: Internal or external drive to learn.

Pedagogy: Teaching method

Behaviorism

A learner learns through a passive absorption of knowledge presented to him or her. Repetition and positive reinforcement. Something that we saw a lot in our classrooms. The teacher presents the lesson, and students copy it to their behavior. 

Cognitive Constructivism

A learner learns by connecting the dots. New knowledge is connected to the pre-existing ones. Hands-on activities and discoveries. You can simply think about how one can learn through playing with Lego. (In fact, this became the basis for Lego Education)

Social Constructivism

A learner learns through social interaction and collaboration. Group projects and Peer Tutoring weren't just your teachers being lazy. Some people learn better when they have other people working with them. 

Conclusion

As I play with my daughter, I see her learning new things every day. Her thing today was holding her hands together. I didn't have to judge if it was behaviorism-based or cognitive constructivism-based learning. The key was that she learned and got better with her motor skills. Now that she knows how to hold her hands, I can build on that knowledge and give her a toy to hold with both hands (Cognitive Constructivism approach). There will be days when she copies what I say because I give her a hug every time she attempts to copy me (Behaviorism). 

If you want your child to take one extra step, you want to help him or her without disturbing the playing time. You can pick one of the theories to find the most effective way of doing it. You can make more educated choices tailoring the approach to your child's individual needs and preferences.