Rewarding and Depressing
Full-time staying-at-home parent is a tough job. It's rewarding for the most part, but it comes with lots of depressing moments.
As I've been a stay-at-home parent for the last couple of months, I'll share my experiences. I hope this helps you to figure out why you or your partner is going through such a hardship.
Rewards
- Bonding Time: You get to spend a great amount of time bonding with your child. The bond created from early childhood sets up for the remaining times. Every time I put my daughter in my arms, I think what a sad life it would have been if I didn't get to do it every day.
- Witnessing Milestones: Of course, the world has better cameras to record everything, but it's never the same to see it and feel it right there and then. I witnessed my child getting up holding the crib rail by herself. It was truly an amazing experience to see her take the first step forward.
- Creating Memories: I doubt every now and then, "How much of this will she remember?" Many research say babies remember a lot more than what we'd imagine. I still have some childhood memories or memories of memories that made me happy even when I was in my teens. I try to give my daughter new kinds of excitement every day hoping it'd create a good memory.
Depressing Moments
- Isolation: My wife works at home remotely. Even with her around, she is focused on her job mainly, as she should be. A lot of times, I feel isolated and lonely because our baby is too young to engage in social activities. My only outlet is through social media, but I can't be looking at the smartphone around the baby. I go almost all day without having interactions with people. It gets lonely.
- Loss of Identity: I used to work. I used to work with a lot of people. I used to interact with hundreds of people on a daily basis. It was part of who I was. Staying home makes me feel like I've lost my identity and ability to do anything else. I kind of lose sight of my purpose, because it doesn't seem like I'm bearing any fruit. I know that in the long run, it's significant, but not having any constant feedback, I lose track of where I am in my life.
- Loss of Control: Babies cry. They cry to communicate. Our daughter started to whine a lot more because she now has demands. It's hard to understand, though, what she wants. It makes you feel like you lose control. You don't have a clue what you need to do.
- Getting Held Up: I used to plan an agenda every day. I might not write them down, but it always revolve around my head. Caring for a baby takes away a lot of time from doing things I thought I'd get done. The list of to-do's calling my brain's attention really stresses me out.
How to Navigate
Navigating the highs and lows of stay-at-home parenting with a baby under one year old requires resilience, support, and self-care. Resilience is difficult to practice and get better. Support from the family needs to be asked. It might not come naturally for all people.
Self-care is where the most effort could shine the light. First and foremost is to realize that you, the stay-at-home parent, are struggling. Depression slips in unnotified. Set a time, in the morning, lunch, or before going to bed to check your status. See if you can think of anything to be thankful for or something happy. If not, you need to let your family know. Take a break.
I take my daughter out for walks as much as the weather permits. It helps my daughter to develop, but it also gives me a chance to get some fresh air and clean out my system. Seeing the blue sky and floating clouds makes your day brighter, no matter how old you are. Try!
Remember, only happy parents can raise a happy child.