Being a Good Husband and Father

What Does It Take to Be a Good Father?

My father was a well-known, respected scientist/professor in his field of Laboratory Animals. He knew a lot of people. He was always busy with his work or colleagues. I spent many weekends merely watching him sleep. 

It generated fear of becoming a father. I wasn't confident that I'd become a good one. It was like walking into a jungle blindfolded. The only guidance on hand was my dad's example. 

Scrapping the Genetic Map

What you grew up with is hard to get rid of. It runs in your blood. It formed your identity. It's already a part of who you are. Even if you hated it, some of your father's gestures, comments, tones, or vocabulary are naturally inherited. 

Some things that you thought your dad was awesome for turn out it's nearly impossible to replicate. It just leaves you thinking "How in the world did he pull it off?"

Following his footsteps or trying to avoid his footsteps might not be the best solution to becoming a good father.

Stick to What You Are Good At

If you pulled off marriage, that'd probably mean you are recognized by your significant other to be a man worthy of living the rest of your life together. No matter what you did to show your love, you've earned the trust. 

You might not have been a popular lady's man, but for your wife, you've devoted your time and effort. It might not have been natural. You needed some life lessons from others, tips from Instagram, or learn from your own mistakes. 

However it came together, you've learned to love and show that you care for your significant other. That's the way! That's just it. 

A Good Father equals A Good Husband?

Of course, you won't be doing seductive things to your children. That is a big no-no. All you are going to focus on doing is showing your love to your wife! You are just going to continue to do what you've been doing. 

You will need to do the fatherly chores around the house, keep your children safe, and have the hard talks with your children at the appropriate times. Do it for your wife. 

I'm saying it aside from having a good relationship with your child. It's only from the perspective of being a good father and setting a good example as one. 

The chores around the house: if you don't, your wife, the only other adult around, will have to.

Keeping children safe: if you don't, your wife, the only other adult around, will have to.

Having the hard talks: if you don't, your wife, the only significant other adult around, will have to.

Since you love your wife, you want to do the things that are hard for either of you. You take up the cross and put it on your shoulder. 

Loving Relationship

Having parents who love each other so much is the greatest gift for the children. They learn from the example. You are the most visible example around. If you show them how to express love, love passionately, and do things for your lover,  your children have the best father. They will try to recreate what you do for the family in various ways.

Now you don't have to focus on two things, but one. Being a good husband is being a good father from some angles. 

Conclusion

Just because your father wasn't the most terrific movie-like figure, doesn't mean anything is holding you back from becoming one. You can have the warmest smile for your family even if your father never showed his teeth between his lips. 

You've got your own family now. You might not be an education-savvy parent who knows everything there is to know about raising a child. But you sure know how to love your wife. That's pretty much all you need to become a good dad. Setting the example of what a loving relationship is like. Let them know what they should expect from a person who claims to love them. You are teaching them all the life lessons ever needed by setting the standards with your life.

No.1 Parenting Rule of Raising a Google Engineer

Hands-Off Approach to Parenting

This news article is about an 18-year-old getting hired as a Google engineer before college. His father shares the parenting techniques from catching his son's interest, providing resources instead of roadmaps, and helping to set up to be lucky to become a healthy striver. Let's dive into his advice.

Article About Stanley Zhong

Story of Stanley Zhong

Stanley played competitive chess at age 4. He was good. Then he decided to retire at one point. Then he started to write codes when he was 10. His father, who is a Google Engineer himself, probably was a big influence in picking up such a hobby. 

He launched a startup called RabbitSign, which drew a Google recruiter's attention when he was 13. He was too young for any type of role then. Nearing his high school graduation, Stanley applied to 18 colleges but got rejected or waitlisted from 16 of them. He had an Amazon Web Service recruiter reaching out to him. Then he recalled the opportunity with Google. 

Stanley Zhong decided to work for Google for a year, and then attend the University of Texas after. 

Father's Parenting Technique

Stanley's father suggests the Hands-Off Approach to parenting. It doesn't mean to not care anything about them. It's opening opportunities to fly in and out.  Letting the child choose where his passion lies. 

Provide resources, not roadmaps

Let your child pick what they want to do. Provide help. Don't tell him what to do. Mr. Zhong quotes:

"In terms of how far he wants to go, how fast he wants to move on the path, or whether he wants to change his course and go to another path, that's completely up to him."

It's so easy to fall into the trap of directing our children under the name of guidance. The key word here is 'support.' The urge to tell him what to do comes from our arrogant thought "I know better than you." Kids live in a different world than what we have been through. What you know might not necessarily be true in their time.

Help to Set the Stage

Mr. Zhong calls it "setting your child up to be lucky." He defines luck as being able to catch the chance once it pops up. You have to be prepared at all times to grab the opportunity when it presents itself. 

One value we need to teach our kids is to start before the deadline is set. There is a portion of effort that gets boosted when the end goal is set, and there is another portion. We usually refer to it as the basics. If one has strong basics, be it health, communication, collaboration, etc., he is set to a great start. 

Only those who are already prepared will be able to see the opportunity and jump at them. 

Healthy Strivers

The article also quotes research from toxic parenting expert Jennifer Breheny Wallace. It points out that Healthy Strivers are more likely to succeed. These are people who know they matter as human beings, and what they do isn't going to determine their worthiness. 

Stanley's father raised his son to explore different things and did not judge the outcome of his decisions. This is an environment of healthy strivers to grow. They are not discouraged by the forced directions from their parents. They know they are trusted and supported. 

Parents Feeling Like a Failure

We are so used to parents telling their children what to do. That's how we were raised. We are accustomed to it without acknowledging it. "Helicopter Parenting" is the exact opposite of where we want to be. 

Lay down your urge and think deeply. Is what you are about to tell your child really for him or for yourself? Are you doing it to prevent yourself from failing as a parent? 

You know you are not coding like an engineer. You are a parent. Your child's future job is not YOUR output. It's what your CHILD has decided to become. So, put down the pressure. You are not giving up. Instead, you will be the guardian angel in the stealth mode. 

Parents need to be there for their children. Watch closely. See if they are struggling with bringing up their trouble to you. If they are hesitant to confess to you they want to give up piano, Taekwondo, water polo, art, or anything you spent too much on not to long ago. 

We want to build a relationship with our children, in which we can share those feelings and thoughts even if either one of you is sorry. 

Your child doesn't have to be a Google Engineer. Let them decide and let you know, so you can help!

All You Need to Know About The Infant Vaccinations

Infant Vaccinations: What You Need to Know

Soon after the first cry, after cuddling through the golden hour, 

after the first lesson from a medical professional on the art of diaper change, 

Your baby gets a first "Ouch" experience: First Vaccination shots.

Vaccines are proven to protect, especially children, from the known diseases. There are quite a few sicknesses that are common in children. Doctors and the CDC (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention) strongly recommend vaccination at birth.

But why? 

Let's take a look at the benefits of these vaccines in this blog post. I'm not a medical professional, so if you have any concerns about the shots, please consult with your doctor.

First Vaccination Shots at Birth

Hepatitis B (HepB)

Hepatitis B is a liver disease. It can occur in either a short-term or lifelong illness. It spreads through body fluids such as blood, which makes your baby vulnerable at birth if the mother has it. It's possible that it has only mild symptoms, but it can cause death as well.

The good news is the vaccine can immunize for life. 

Your baby needs to get the first shot of the hepatitis vaccine within 12 hours of birth. This will be the 1st dose of 3. The next shots will be every 2 months. (Birth - 2 months - 4 months)

Respiratory Syncytial Virus (RSV)

RSV causes a severe respiratory illness, meaning difficulty breathing and eating, and it's common in infants and young children. The vaccine of 1 dose provides the baby's body with extra help fighting an RSV infection. 

It is recommended by the CDC to give the shot before or during RSV season, expanding from fall through spring.

If the mother receives a shot during her pregnancy, the antibodies will pass on to the baby. If the 32 - 36 weeks into pregnancy is in the RSV season, you will probably be asked to take the shot during the routine visit to the OBGYN doctor. 

More Vaccinations

Two Month Visit

In your baby's two-month visit, your baby is going to get a bunch of vaccines in a couple of shots. They are grouped into a combination vaccine, which combines more than one vaccine into one shot. 

Some of the common ones are DTaP, Polio, PCV, Hib, RV, Hepatitis B, and RSV (if not already given). 

DTaP Vaccine

It can prevent diphtheria (difficulty breathing, heart failure, paralysis, or death), tetanus (painful stiffening of muscles), and pertussis ("whooping cough," out-of-control coughing). This shot is for children younger than 7 years old. 

There is a shot called Tdap, which all parents and child caregivers need to take, that prevents the same diseases.

The 5 recommended doses are 2 months - 4 months - 6 months - 15~18 months - 4~6 years.

Polio Vaccine

Polio (Poliomyelitis) virus can infect the spinal cord, leading to paralysis. The incident rate is low in the U.S. due to the vaccination. Without the vaccination, your baby may be vulnerable to a disease that can paralyze certain body parts and permanently disable them. 

Four doses are recommended at 2 months, 4 months, 6-18 months, and 4-6 years.

Pneumococcal Conjugate Vaccine (PCV)

Pneumococcal disease is a bacterial disease that can infect and damage the lungs, ears, sinuses, tissues covering the brain and spinal cord, or blood. CDC recommends pneumococcal vaccination for all children younger than 5 years old. 

Four doses are recommended at 2 months, 4 months, 6 months, and 12 ~ 15 months.

Rotavirus (RV)

Rotavirus causes very severe watery diarrhea, vomiting, fever, and abdominal pain. It leads to dehydration, which requires hospital treatment. There are two vaccines available in the U.S.

RotaTeq (RV5): 3 doses at 2, 4, and 6 months

Rotarix (RV1): 2 doses at 2 and 4 months

Following Vaccination Schedule

There are more vaccines to come in the next visits to the pediatrician. You can find the CDC's recommended vaccine schedule (downloadable file available) in this link: CDC Vaccine Schedule

After Getting Vaccine Shots

Most of you probably experienced vaccine shots recently due to the outbreak of COVID-19. The side effects varied depending on people. Most vaccines are the same way. It hurts where the shot was injected, a little bit of muscle cramp, and a slight fever at times. It's a natural reaction from your body. It's how the body learns to deal with the sickness and get immunized.

Your baby, however, probably won't be able to describe how or where it hurts. So, you have to keep a very close watch on your child. Check the temperature often. See if he is sweating. Unusual crying. Sleeplessness. If you find something out of the ordinary, let your doctor know. Ask for advice. Go get checked. 

While your baby is healing from the shots, you might need to feed bit more often than usual. It's easy for the baby to get dehydrated. Our daughter slept more than usual. She recovered overnight. So, keep the times and feeding amount in precise check. 

Conclusion

Any cure is not better than the prevention of sickness. The vaccines have been scientifically proven to be very effective. If we can prevent any of the diseases mentioned above, you need to do it. We can't risk our baby's life on chances. Unless your baby has known health issues, it is strongly recommended to get the vaccines. 

Let's keep our babies healthy and strong!

Baby's First Winter Preparation Guide

Best Winter Preparations for Babies

Brrr. 

It's getting cold out in Southern California. It's time to check if the heaters are working properly. Start to close the windows before going to bed. 

You get worried about your baby catching a cold. You start to be hesitant about taking your kid out for a walk before the sun heats up. At the same time, you are worried your kid might not be getting enough activities. 

Let's go through a checklist to see if you and your baby are ready for the winter.

Dressed Warm Enough?

It's definitely worth an investment to get warm, durable clothes for the winter. It's a good idea to dress your child in layers. Babies are sensitive to temperatures. You want to be able to make it warmer or cooler by bits. 

Sometimes, it's hard to tell whether your baby is hot or cold. If he is hot, his cheeks might flush. Check the back of his neck to see if he is sweating. (Make sure your hands aren't too cold for him!)

If he's too cold, he will probably start to cry. If you feel cold, your child is definitely cold. Whatever you are comfortable with plus one more layer would be good for babies. 

• Long sleeve body suit (footed one piece is nice), socks, mittens for hands, a hat, and a scarf would do the trick. The head and neck are where most heat escapes. Keep those places warm. Pick a unique and bright color to easily locate your child wrapped up in clothing. 

• A lot of brands like Columbia, North Face, or Patagonia, have good materials that are thinner, but do a great job keeping warmth. 

• If you are going to use a car seat, you need to dress your child in thinner clothes under the seat belts and put the coats or blankets over the seat belts for safety issues. If fluffy clothes are in the way of seat belts, they can't hold the baby tight enough in case of an accident. 

• If your child walks, consider buying water-resistant clothing and boots for rainy or snowy days. You don't want your child to have wet, cold feet.

Winter Mod the Gears

• Baby Carrier: If you have a baby carrier like Ergobaby, you might want to consider getting the All Weather cover from the brand. Ergobaby Carrier Cover You can also purchase a universal one like this from Amazon.

• Car Seat: Since safety is a big concern, but you still want to keep your baby warm during a car ride, consider this. It's a universal car seat cover that looks warm enough.  Nuna offers a footmuff for their pipa car seats.

***On a cold day, make sure to start the engine and warm up inside the car before coming down with the baby. 

• Stroller Cover: Similar to the car seat covers, there are stroller covers. Make sure to check compatibility with your stroller before purchasing one. 

Winter Wonderland Fun

Now that we figured out what to wear, it's time for the outdoor adventures. Whether they are in a baby carrier, stroller, or on their feet, a bit of outdoor activities are great for the children's development. Exposure to new things is the greatest way to learn! 

• Short Stroll around the house: It's always good to know the way around to be safe. When it snows, the sidewalk might be slippery and many other unexpected things could happen. It's good to see the familiar neighborhood in a different scenery too.

• On a snowy day, show your baby the falling snow. Let him touch the snowflake and feel it melt. Let him walk on the snow to feel the crisp under his feet. If it snows enough, build a snowman. Take a picture of your baby with the snowman. It will be one of the cherished memories in your family album.

• If your child grows old enough, go on a ski trip. Snow sledding is fun and doesn't require much skill. If your city has an outdoor ice rink, go out for skating. 

Conclusion

No matter what the weather is like, let your children have fun with you. Let them know that you are always there for them. Winter could be a dangerous season: snow, longer nights, or low temperatures. But it's up to the family to turn it upside down and have fun with it. Use safety caution and let your kids dress warm. There are so many learning opportunities out there in the Winter Wonderland!

Seasonal Reminder: Starbucks Holiday Drinks Are Here!

Keep Calm and Drink Coffee

Coffee keeps people going in the morning. Whether they are off to work, working from home, or taking care of babies. 

It's not merely about caffeine affecting the brain. It's more of a ritual, a setting of mood, and a little break from reality.  

I'm going to remind you every time. Take a break! You need to forcefully make time and habit of giving yourself a break, especially if you have a newborn around. 

You can gain so much energy and peace from giving yourself a break. Sit down for a coffee or tea.

To keep your mental health in check, you need to be aware of the changes around you, such as the season, people, colors, weather, etc. In this blog, we will explore some new options in your drink selection for the winter of 2023.  

The Holiday Season Is Around

One good reminder comes from no other than the global coffee chain, Starbucks. Aside from all the criticism they receive, they do a good job of letting people know the Jolly Season is around. 

From Starbucks Stories

The 2023 Holiday Season Cup design is out. I stopped by Starbucks today. All their decorations changed from a Fall Halloween theme to Christmas colors: Red, Green, and sparkles. 

Starbucks Seasonal New Drinks

The season of Pumpkin drinks is fading. 

Let the Peppermint Syrup spread! 

Starbucks put out some interesting new seasonal drinks: Iced Gingerbread Oatmilk Chai and Oleato Gingerbread Oatmilk Latte.

Iced Gingerbread Oatmilk Chai

It comes with Milk foam, Oatmilk, 4 Chai Pumps, 4 Gingerbread Syrup Pumps, and Pumpkin Spice Topping for a Grande size.

Their website quotes: 

Combines warm gingerbread notes, a cozy blend of chai spices, and creamy oatmilk to create a cold holiday beverage that is perfectly balanced by the comforting flavors of the season. Available iced and hot. 

Personally, I'm not a big fan of gingerbread syrup, but I know it is a popular choice among a lot of people. 

Oleato Gingerbread Oatmilk Latte

With limited stores having the series of Oleato drinks (one with virgin olive oil), this drink comes with oatmilk, 4 gingerbread Syrup Pumps, Tangerine Citrus Ginger Sugar, and 2 shots of Blonde Espresso Roast.

The website says that it has Partanna Extra Virgin Olive Oil with warm notes of gingerbread.  I'm still scared to try a coffee with olive oil, but it is very intriguing. 

My Favorite Starbucks Drink for Winter

My personal favorite from the famous coffee chain is the Peppermint Latte. I'm not a big fan of sweet drinks. But I am a big fan of peppermint. So, instead of the Peppermint Mocha on the seasonal menu, I ask for a peppermint latte. It's just a latte with 4 pumps of peppermint syrup (Grande size; 3 pumps for tall). 

Not many people order this, but once they get hooked, it becomes the default throughout the season. 

Conclusion

It doesn't have to be Starbucks. It could be any local coffee shop or other chains like Coffee Beans, Peets' coffee, Philz Coffee, etc. You might not even have time to run to the coffee shop to grab one.

You can make one for yourself in your home espresso bar. Even a traditional drip coffee can do the trick. 

Give yourself a 5-minute break from all the craziness around the house. You don't have to finish your coffee to the bottom. Just the scent of freshly brewed coffee will recharge you. Have some "me" time. Then, let's go get 'em!

Harvard Study: How Play Affects Learning

Can You Play To Learn?

They say Play is one of the most effective ways to learn. Is it? Why?

We often separate play and learn. But can they happen at the same?

There is an article from the Harvard Graduate School of Education: "Why Do Children Play?"

This thesis explores the differences between playing for fun and playing to win and how play affects learning. Let's find out why play is an absolute necessity in learning.

Background 

A study was conducted by the Harvard Graduate School of Education and the University of California, Berkeley. They set up two outdoor games with children from 5 to 10 years old. The participants had choices to make the game easier or harder. The topic was: will they enjoy more when playing to win or playing for fun?

Experimental Setup

The experimental setup was simple:

1. Have the children play the same game but in two different ways.
2. Have them play to win → give them rewards for winning.
3. Have them play for fun → no rewards given.
4. Give them the available options: 

        - Difficulty levels

        - Silly costumes that did not affect the chances of winning

Results

• Kids playing to win chose an easier level. 
• Kids playing for fun chose a harder level. 
• Even when competing, some kids still wanted to have fun too.
• Kids preferences: 43% play for fun & 57% play to win.

Key Findings

Even a 5-year-old can detect that the difficulty modes affect the outcome of the game.

Kids were mostly driven by extrinsic motivation (rewards) when playing to win.

Kids were mostly driven by intrinsic motivation (feeling of accomplishment) when playing for fun.

Reflection

It's easy to understand that a reward for winning is motivating.

Kids chose harder levels when playing for fun. This is significant. The mystery of intrinsic motivation is revealed here. 

The harder levels require considering more factors and figuring out more complicated solutions. Curiosity is what makes kids want to take on the challenge. When there is curiosity, our brains ask for answers. This becomes an internal drive to resolve.

The curiosity is only resolved by learning. Learning to coordinate the factors and finding the perfect combination that works.

Learning is rewarding!!

Conclusion

Whether playing to win or for fun, play motivates kids. The motivation comes from both external and internal rewards. So, the answer to why children play is both for fun and to win. 

Play and learning are thought to be separate. In fact, play is a great starting point for learning. It's a powerful motivator. 

If kids realize learning is rewarding and enjoyable through playing, they will keep wanting to learn more and more. And that's why play is an absolute necessity when it comes to learning.

Play to Learn, But How?

Best, Easy Baby Developmental Activities

You are old enough to be a parent. It probably means you don't remember how you played as an infant. 

You hear this a lot: "Babies learn through plays. Parents need to play with them."  

So, the pressure is on you. You want your child to develop all the motor skills, thinking skills, etc. You don't want your child to fall behind. You want him to develop faster than all the other kids! 

But how? 

It's been so long. You don't remember how or what you played as a kid. You are not sure what to do and how to do it correctly. 

In this blog post, I will share some quick tips and the mindset you need to maintain when playing with your child.

How You Should Approach

First of all, don't pressure yourself. 

Your child will develop his life skills as he grows up. You can't possibly bag all the skills and hand it to him. It takes time. There are skills he or she will not need for a long time. 

Your plays will not affect your child's developmental speed. Your plays will not make a genius out of your child. It's more important that your child learns to enjoy. Because the true power of play comes from enjoying. Enjoying leads to interest. Interest leads to knowledge. Knowledge leads to skills.

So, you are opening up the gateways for your child's development. You are not developing your child. It's up to your child to develop. Loosen up. The key is to enjoy the activities with your child. You are not a teacher or supervisor. You are just a member of the party. 

Known Facts about RELATIVE Developmental Stages

Looking at the Developmental stages or milestones, parents freak out about their child falling behind. Relax. These are relative timings. All children develop at a different pace. It could be a good indication of problems or issues, but time can resolve a lot of them. 

For example, my child didn't smile much at 2 months period. I was getting a little nervous, but my worries were blown away by 3rd month. She gives me the brightest smile every morning to wake me up.  

Early Developmental Stages organized by CDC

We will dive into the earlier periods first.

Two Months

During the first two months, it's hard to expect a response. Because the baby is barely starting to see things. Their visions are still blurry and they are still figuring out the surroundings. The ears open up at least a month old. 

Play tips

• Once your baby begins to keep his eyes open more, play with high-contrast images (black and white). Hold the image close to his eyes, then move it slowly to follow. This helps with seeing and also building the neck muscles to move his head. 

      Ex) High Contrast Books

• Even if he doesn't respond, start to call his name, sing a song, and talk to him. This helps your child to recognize your voice. 

• Start the tummy time little by little. Put him on your belly. Be careful not to block the airway. Let him hold his head up.

Third to Sixth Month

A lot will change during this time. Your child will see a lot better. Smile more. Starts to move around a lot. Flip from back to tummy. Re-flip from tummy to back. Use his hands to grab things. Anything can become a toy at this point. My daughter loves to play with a towel.

Play Tips

• You can upgrade the high-contrast book from black and white to other colors. Give some changes to proximity. Bring the images close and far, side to side, and up and down. 

• Around-we-grow: Toys like these promote bodily movement. The parts will give a direct response. Pushing a button lights up the key and makes a noise. This teaches a cause-and-effect of the child's action. 

• Sensory Toys: It doesn't have to be these toys. You can find things around the house to replace these. As long as your child can safely play with his hands. Touching, stacking, throwing, etc. 

• Anything he grabs will go into his mouth. That's just how babies measure things. Whether it fits in their mouth or not. So make sure anything he touches is clean. 

• Since grabbing is going to be his biggest interest, place things around him to grab. He will try to move towards it by flipping, crawling, or rolling. This will help with his motor skills.

• Play around a mirror. Babies love to see reflections. Our daughter always tries to grab her reflection's hand. She enjoys the flat, cold feeling of the mirror for some reason.

• You can lift up your baby. Some babies love it. Just be very careful not to shake his head. His brain is still somewhat floating in the skull and moving too much will damage it. Your child's neck muscles have a long way to be strong enough. 

Conclusion

Playing opens up ways to experience new things. Getting involved in it makes it more enjoyable for your child. You are one of the very few people your baby is exposed to. You are still his whole world. To have fun with his whole world! It's the greatest thing that can happen to your infant. 

Use your creativity. Stick to the basics. You don't need to give him an expensive all-natural, organic, super-powered magical toy.  Anything you do with him is a fresh memory and a great learning experience. Expose him to a lot of things! Have fun!