Things I Appreciate

 After One Year..

There have been a lot of changes since the baby was born. Our family's daily routines have turned upside down. We moved from one state to a different time zone state. I stopped working. My wife started working to put bread on the table for the family. Our conversation topics changed. Our focus shifted to the baby more. Furniture arrangement changed. 

Biggest change I experienced is my emotions. I started to appreciate the things that seemed unrelated to me for my entire life. I've never imagined walking into the baby's room in the morning would be such a happy moment. I put on the biggest smile on my face, even without any effort, with genuine joy. The joy comes from seeing our youngest family member. This has been going on for over a year now and I enjoy every morning that I get to do it. 

Scary Obstacle

Danger is everywhere and it can visit your family at any time it desires. I keep my eyes on the baby for the most of the day except when she goes to sleep. We leave her in the crib in her room. We thought it is one of the safest places on earth for her. 

Then it happens. She woke up after a nap. She rolls, sits, and stands. We didn't realize she tries to climb things too. She tried to climb the crib's rail. Fell. Fortunately, we had carpet and a cushy mat on the floor. She didn't get hurt. We ran in because she started to cry. I had to watch the baby cam's history. It was excruciating to even watch what happened. 

Another incident happened last night. Our baby has a lot of heat. She gets hot very quick. So, we installed a cooling mat in the crib on the mattress. We secured it fast to the mattress, so it wouldn't come off on any side. But it did. For whatever the reason, one corner's rubber band came up. Our baby's arm got through the loop and the cooling mat ended up wrapping her face. She immediately started crying, so we were able to rescue quickly. If it was in the middle of the night, oh man God forbid, I don't even want to think about it. 

I took every accessories off of the crib and got rid of them. I slept beside the crib all night. I had to wake up almost every hour to check if she was breathing okay. The morning came. I was awaken by our baby's voice. She was reaching her tiny hand out of the crib rail and trying to touch my face. What a relief to see her okay!

Emotions

I don't think I've ever cared for someone this much in my life. There are expectations for other people around my age to take care of themselves on their own. For my daughter, there could be none. She barely knows about this world yet. Now I feel like I understand those novels or movies about fatherly love. Until now, I thought I understood, but it was only an imagination.

Emotions play a big part in any relationships between two or more human beings. I like the fact that I can recognize these emotions and they come. I am also relieved that I can enjoy these emotions. I'm very happy that I can share these emotions with my own family, people closest to me. 

World Outside of Home

 It's Still There, The World Before Kids

I've been blessed enough to be a stay-at-home parent for our daughter. Along with relocating to a new city, I started to stay home to take care of my child and let my wife work. Fortunately, she's working remotely at home too. We are having a blast watching our child grow.

It's been over 6 months since I've dedicated my career to this role. There have been many ups and downs. Since our daughter started to crawl and stand, I didn't have much time. It got tough to even write blog posts anymore. More cleaning, getting dangers out of the way, and constantly keeping my eyes on her to stop things on the floor to go into her mouth. 

I barely had time for myself. Weekends were for the family time instead of "me time." My wife deserves breaks and rests since she works hard for 5 weekdays. I was aware of the fact that I lacked the "me time," but I thought I was okay.

One Day Out 

My friend texted and asked if I wanted to chill. "Oh, that's new," I said to myself and my wife. My wife suggested to take a break and go have fun. So, I did. I went out with my friend for one beer. Yes, just one. 

It was enough to make me realize how isolated I've been. Here are some things I realized.

My Spot in the Crowd

I used to love the crowd. During college, we always had a small party at my place every Friday night. No invitations were needed. It was always at least 6 - 8 people gathering. I was the one who "recruited" them always. I always had a spot in the crowd. I was the one who didn't let the conversation come to an end. 

 COVID-19 and moving to new places also prevented me from meeting people. Having a baby sealed the deal even tighter. I haven't been in a crowd for a while now. Hanging out with my old college friend reminded me of who I was before all my life happened.

Conversation Takes Practice

No matter how eloquent you were, if you don't practice speaking to an adult, you lose it.  Only other adult I got to talk to was my wife. About 80% of the topic is our child. The other 20% is about the people or things related to our child. 

I was all over the places trying to hold a proper conversation with my buddy. I jumped to conclusions before the premises were defined. I brought up about a million topics when he got through 3. 

Towards the end of the day, I was finally able to listen to what he said and ANSWER with proper vocabulary and grammar. 

Moon through the Moonroof is Amazing

One beer, couple of hours of talking, I was sober enough to drive. As I was driving back, I blasted music on the car stereo and opened the moonroof to enjoy the night breeze. I looked up to the cloudy moon light. Yes. I used to enjoy these little things. I felt like I was 16 again in the old Honda CR-V that became my first ride. 

It allowed for few minutes of reminiscing. All other things I used to enjoy are still out there. Will I enjoy them as much? I definitely am on the other angle of seeing things than then. But, there are many things I still enjoy the same. Having a child didn't make me a new person. It upgraded me in bits, not entirely. 

Conclusion

Staying home with a baby is a blessing. I get to witness all the firsts with my own eyes. There are indescribable feelings in bonding with our child. I sincerely enjoy it. If I had to try to enjoy, I wouldn't have been able to do it. 

There are things that I missed out on during this time. I don't regret missing out, but it just felt weird I forgot about some of those things.  Being caught up in anything, even taking care of your baby instead of you, is dangerous. If you lose track of who you are, you aren't really setting a good example for your child. 

Keep in mind, healthy you is the best parent for your child. Take a break. Have some me-time.